Creating New Habits
As 2022 finished, I was working a lot on how to complete the old, and create the new. For many, New Year’s is a time for a "reset" and a hard deadline for transitioning to something new.
But did you know that the average person has given up on their resolutions by February 2? For many people, creating the goal isn’t always the issue—it’s sustaining the habits required to get there.
It can be hard to create the space that you need to prioritize your goals, so I wanted to share my approach to habit management. As an executive coach and emotional intelligence expert, I know that the resistance you may feel toward the changes you want to make is almost always about how you feel about the change you have committed yourself to.
How big or small a task may feel to you is connected to your emotional state. A seemingly small task can feel massive if it touches on an emotional connection or trigger for you. You may already know this, or you might be asking yourself: What does it have to do with how I implement my goals? That would depend on where you are emotionally with these tasks, and whether you feel drained by them.
For tasks you feel confident about and in control of, get logistical! Audit your own behaviors. Ask yourself a few different questions:
• Are you using your time in the way that you want to?
• Are there important tasks that are being put off?
• Are you working in your own zone of genius?
If all is good, then it’s about creating space and prioritizing your goals:
• Write down in detail how you will reach your goals (targets, software and infrastructure)
• Get granular. Break down your goal until you get to something that you feel good about.
• Know what you’re doing this year and how that breaks down into each quarter (leads versus calls; revenue versus operational upgrades) and what steps to take
Now, as we often know, you don’t always feel good about the change you are trying to make. Sometimes, those sneaky feelings of overwhelm, resistant thought patterns and a sense of doubt can creep in—and that’s okay!
If the goal is that you want to establish a morning routine, but the idea of writing out your goal 10 times a day stresses you out, then you aren’t going to be jumping right into that. In fact, you might find that you do everything you can to avoid it.
If you are struggling with implementing a new habit, then try a different approach.
If you are still struggling, look inward and ask: Is what you're telling yourself true? Then, look for evidence of whether it’s true. If there is an emotional block, resistance or plain old terror, then you are likely experiencing yourself in a reactive state.
A reactive state is when you are experiencing an event dictated by your anxieties about the past or the future, and spilling into the present moment. But it’s not always easy to tell why you are triggered. Our emotional and stress responses are complex, and even when there’s no logical reason, they can announce themselves.
Through my work in emotional intelligence and coaching amazing leaders, I can assure you that no one is immune to "feeling the fear." I have worked with individuals and groups to help turn inward and navigate triggers more effectively around habit-building.
How do you feel? Is there anxiety present?
• Look for evidence of whether it’s true; is the anxiety rooted in the present, or are there intrusive thoughts or old patterns at play?
• Is it bad anxiety or good anxiety? Are your emotions driving your thoughts or vice versa?
• Is it moving you toward or away from your goal?
Regardless of why you are experiencing anxiety, it’s important to know that pushing yourself will likely create more resistance, as your stress responses double down. When something is emotionally draining or challenging, then it actually may need more time and space than what it "logically" takes to complete—so factor that in!
For emotionally challenging tasks, I recommend trying to build as much open-ended time into them as possible. If you can, leave extra time on the calendar to get them done. The idea is to remove the feeling of "rush" around the task, and the associated anxiety.
For the perspective of your goals and what you want to achieve, take into account your emotions and how you feel about the steps you need to take to get there. What would it take to reach the goal, allowing you the emotional space and time you need to both implement the work and self-regulate around the identity shifts you may be experiencing?
What else can you do?
Stay compassionate! Don’t be hard on yourself or you will actually reinforce the stress response. If you wake up and immediately go into a reactive state, then that will impact your energy and resilience in other areas as well. This leads to burnout cycles and diminished satisfaction.
The best thing you can do is seek out and cultivate the energy you want to have around the "work" as part of your big vision. Mentorship programs, accountability groups, networks and social circles are all wonderful ways to engage and connect with others who are on similar journeys.
